laying roses over summer
watching maple seeds and transforming technicolor leaves pirouette toward the ground
1.
i can be a hedonist for sure
hedonist for pleasure + punishment
painfully aware of cause/effect
i thrive in chaos
i think something about it is so grounding
chaos always doesn’t have to be about an abundance of action
i think stillness could be a form of chaos
inaction too causes its effects + its ripples
i think a lot about consequences
ex.
the things we say no to paving the way for better yeses
release also being an invitation
death being a consequence of life
2.
i don’t consider myself a morning person
but i love being awake during morning hours
i love watching black sky turn blue
the blue envelops everything.
streets, fog, highways, trees
the blue light pours into my empty two bedroom apartment
for a moment it keeps me company in the morning.
-
the sprinklers always come on at 5 am
i, an insomniac, know this very well
sometimes i stay up so late its early again
not what i’d call a routine but at this point its almost a ritual
so often i dream of water
i’ve been taking so many baths recently
being in water always feels good
water knows touch
i love being held
3.
the longing weighs more than the loss
the wait is often longer than the ride
how can i ask for more than i have to give/ am ready to receive
if god protects babies and fools why aren’t i invincible
4.
the sweet spot between discipline and hedonism might be devotion
the moment when/point where the cup overflows
its such a gift to pour and be poured into
an eternal dance to a song i want to know word for word